When I got married everyone in my congregation commented on how I did things “the right way.” Both of us were virgins on our wedding night. Among those first awkward moments together in the first week I had a dream about the baby we would conceive. I saw myself washing this beautiful little girl’s hair in the bathtub. She had my eyes, a playful smile, and curly brown hair. My own mother had experienced the same type of vision before I was born. She had seen me before I even came into the world.
This resonated with the pro-life messages in church referencing Jeremiah 1:5 Before I formed you in the womb I knew you. To have an abortion was to kill the person that baby would become and believers had to fight for those lives. I fought for that little girl I saw in my dream. I stayed in the marriage for as long as I could because I knew marriage was holy. However, my husband was treacherous to me and it got to the point where staying would have ended my life.
I was bombarded with messages about how God hates divorce. When I read the Scriptures myself I found that there was more to the issue than just divorce. Malachi 2:14 The LORD is acting as witness between you and the wife of your youth, because you have broken faith with her. God hates divorce because the man has broken faith with his wife, not because a wife divorced to escape mistreatment. The Scriptures go on to say that when the two become one it is to seek a seed from God. I had a vision of that seed from God, my daughter, the baby that was aborted when my husband broke faith with me.
I couldn’t help but think about what I had lost when a well-known Messianic Rabbi “J Con-Artist” came to my congregation as a guest speaker to deliver a fiery sermon against abortion. Yet, standing right behind this Rabbi “J Con-Artist” was my ex-husband on security. His sermon defended unwanted pregnancies with no consideration for rape but did not include my seed which was killed by the man standing on the pulpit with him. I sent this Rabbi “J Con-Artist” a letter describing my revelations about marriage and the seed from God only to receive a form letter in return saying that he did not have time to answer directly. It was understandable that a well-known Messianic Rabbi could not respond to everyone. However, what bothered me was that this Rabbi “J Con-Artist” was willing to preach a pro-life sermon designed to stir people to vote a certain way, directly effecting the treatment between a woman’s legs, yet he could not address me straightforwardly.
His sermon defended unwanted pregnancies with no consideration for rape but did not include my seed which was killed by the man standing on the pulpit with him.
In the film, Natalie’s Abortion, what stood out to me was the scene when the pastor passionately preached a pro-life sermon to defend unwanted pregnancies but made no distinctions between a seed from God within the Covenant of Marriage, and a violation from rape. Although, the pastor in the film made valid points about the sinister Eugenics movement and the money-making schemes of Planned Parenthood, the pastor lacked insight into how harmful his message could be to someone who had an abortion due to a rape related pregnancy. I believe God will restore that seed that I lost when my husband broke faith with me, and it is my prayer that believers will gain more perspective in what it means to be pro-life; which is to defend the rights of the woman in the marriage to protect a seed from God and recognize that all seeds are not from God.
Sullied Bride Speaks 